Daddy Issues on "Succession"

SKY / HBO

Spoiler Alert: Read no further if you need to catch up with Season 4 of Succession!

Who do you want to make proud? Who do you fear disappointing?  And what holds you back?

For the Roy kids, there's only one answer: Dad.  Logan Roy. 

In Episode 3 of Season 4, three of the Roy kids learn their father died suddenly on a private plane. He’s unresponsive to CPR. Shiv's husband, Tom, is on the plane and asks by phone if the Roy kids want to say goodbye to their father, as he may still be able to hear them. In her New York Times article about the episode, Noel Murray writes:

Granted, none of them can summon much to say. Roman starts out by trying to reassure his father — or is it himself — that he was a good dad; then he cuts himself off, says, "I don't know how to do this," and passes the phone like a hot potato. Kendall gives a little Logan-esque "yeah," telling him to "Hang in there" before his complicated resentments take over and he declares, "I can't forgive you, but it's OK and I love you." Shiv is reduced to utter confusion and tears, a little girl suddenly pleading with her "daddy" to, please, "don't go."

The fourth and oldest Roy sibling, Connor, is getting married that day, unaware that his father never intended to be at his wedding. When he hears of his father's death, Connor declares, "He never even liked me." 

The Roy kids are rudderless after losing their father. And he is the mirror they use to define themselves. 

What's striking about this episode and the ones that follow is how "close" the kids were to their narcissistic father, and how little they knew and were known by him. In psychotherapy, we don’t call this kind of closeness relatedness, we call it "enmeshment." 

Enmeshed families lack boundaries and role clarity. In families with narcissistic parents, enmeshment can take on specific dynamics. Narcissistic parents have a heightened sense of entitlement, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Narcissistic parents, rather than attending to the emotional needs of their children, expect their children to meet their emotional needs. The parents see their children as extensions of themselves. 

Enmeshment prevents children from emotionally differentiating from their parents as they grow up, and keeps them from becoming their authentic selves. That’s why the Roy kids have difficulty owning their own feelings. We see this in scene after scene, and is in clear focus with the reality of Logan’s death. He is suddenly not there to direct them anymore.

Ideally, the parent/child relationship allows the child to slowly, over time, separate from the parent to become their authentic self. But Logan's control over his kids into adulthood stunts their development. So, instead of thinking, "How can I be the best version of myself?" the Roy kids' driving question is, "How can I be Dad's best version of myself?" 

As a child in Logan's enmeshed world, it's too dangerous to think for yourself. It’s too dangerous to have a mind of your own. In turn, the Roy kids can't step back and give themselves the space to sort through and own their feelings.

And yet it's this very thing, their massive unprocessed emotions, that gives "Succession" its dramatic appeal!

Episode 9, "Church and State," about Logan's funeral, is a masterclass in how enmeshment leads to unprocessed emotion. Before the funeral, Roman walks through his luxurious apartment rehearsing his eulogy. Instead of feeling his complex sadness, loss, anger, and fear, Roman chooses one feeling - triumph. 

He's bulletproof and un-phased by his father's death, even cracking jokes as he flippantly rehearses his eulogy, "end of first marriage, very sad, saddy, sad, sad … look out, see Shivie cry, see Kennie die, see Roman, the showman light up the sky." He continues, "Father, with your permission, applause all around, come on, let her rip!" as he claps his hands. We see the cracks forming in his victorious veneer.

Kendall calls to check on Roman and asks, "Are you good, man?" Roman replies, "I'm good. I'm actually excited. Does that make me a sick f@ck?"  

Roman steps up to the podium to deliver the eulogy. And then it happens, the breakdown.

Roman faces the crowd and freezes - overwhelmed by grief. It’s a brilliantly acted and directed scene that connects the audience to Roman’s emotional fracture. His three siblings leave their seats to save him at the podium. As they walk him back to his seat, Roman looks at his dad's coffin and, between sobs, in the voice of a small boy, asks, "Is he in there?" Shiv softly says, "Yes," and Roman asks, "Can we get him out?"  

This heartbreaking scene reveals a fundamental truth:  if our parents never register or tune in to our feelings, we can't register them for ourselves. This broken family, the Roys, is the perfect example of what enmeshment looks like.

Let's face it, "Succession" is fantastic because it's a sh!t show, and we need the Roy kids to stay dysfunctional to keep it that way! Of course, it's wildly entertaining, but we can, and should, learn from it, too. 

Some Questions to Consider

• Growing up, what, if any, of your emotions were accepted, and what emotions were rejected by your parents? How does this impact you now?

• Do you allow yourself time and space to name and feel your feelings? If not, what keeps you from doing so?

• Do you have an inner critic (an inner Logan) that's too harsh? How could you dial that down?