Are You Washing Your Cat?

How to get out of your way and stop procrastinating

Without fail, every time Mike needed to study for his medical school exams, he'd realize that his cat, Stanford, was dirty. And, of course, being a diligent cat parent, he'd need to give him a bath. Much to Stanford's dismay, it was bathtime. It was like clockwork. Need to study? Or give Standford a bath?

Mike was my husband's roommate during his medical school years. To this day, if one of us procrastinates, we can bust each other with the simple question, "Are you washing your cat?"

We've all been there. There's something we need and want to do, but we can't seem to motivate ourselves to do it. But Why?

Approach-Avoid

A human conflict we all face is the approach-avoid conflict. We have a goal or event with both positive and negative sides that are, simultaneously desirable and undesirable. For example, you want a raise but don't want to ask your boss about it.  

It can be easy to jump on the avoidance bandwagon, and even justify it. This tendency is called Experiential Avoidance or EA. You give in to your need to escape and end up creating more psychological distress than you were trying to avoid in the first place! Think about the difficult conversation with the boss; as the weeks go by and you avoid the conversation, your stress and frustration increase even though you've let yourself off the hook for taking the action you, deep down, know you need to take.

Unlike Mike's medical school exam, which had an external deadline, the internal goals we set for ourselves can be both the most important and also the easiest to avoid. Let’s look at writing as an example.  

The Stories We Tell Ourselves to Get Off the Hook

Writers can be amazingly creative when it comes to telling themselves stories that justify not writing. One of my favorite Seinfeld scenes involves Jerry and George sitting down to write their pilot and succumbing to the lure of avoidance. It's hilarious. They focus on the type of pen to use and where to sit, and then they finally realize they forgot to call Elaine back, and they drop writing the script altogether. 

I asked a few writer friends about the stories they tell themselves to avoid writing. Here's what they said. Can you relate?

I used to think that writing wasn't worthwhile unless I had something important or brilliant to say, and I usually did not feel that way, so I would wait around until I had a "deep" thought. Ha! What a recipe for disaster! 

I used to tell myself that I could ONLY write in the morning. 

I got very specific about the "perfect" conditions for writing. I'd need to be at my desk in my office with a candle burning.  

I would sit down to write but then start "researching," and time would go by without me writing anything!

Let's unpack some of these all-too-common procrastination tactics. While anyone can fall prey to procrastination, the world of ADHD treatment offers some excellent tools for understanding and overcoming our tendency to procrastinate. People with ADHD have difficulty regulating their behavior, so ADHD treatment provides great ideas to avoid avoiding. Here are some helpful concepts from J. Russell Ramsay's book Rethinking Adult ADHD: Helping Clients Turn Intentions Into Actions.

Procrastivity is a great term Ramsay coined that describes when someone means to do something important (their priority task) but ends up doing something less important instead. Procrastivity work is usually more clerical and has more immediate rewards. Think about the "research" and all the cool stuff I can find as I work on my writing! But my priority task, writing, has been put off.    

Ramsay also points to a different type of perfectionism, as seen in my friends’ quotes above. We can fall into the belief that conditions must be "perfect" for us to write. We must have the perfect "deep" idea, setting, and time of day. We become rigid in our perfectionism and justify not doing our priority task - writing - because the conditions aren't perfect.

Ramsay also points to what he calls permission-giving thoughts, where we allow ourselves to put off priority tasks. It sounds like this: "I know I'll be able to write this essay, but just not right now." or "I got some writing done. I deserve a break." It's easy to give ourselves permission to escape doing the one thing that's most important.

Setting Up the Conditions to Win 

So, how do you step out of your own way? Here are some other great examples from my writer friends who use these hacks to bust procrastination.

I've learned that writing is a practice, and it means so much more than putting pen to paper. It's about reading, observing, and connecting with other writers. My good ideas bubble up from the tiniest moments of the day, and like a bubble, I try to catch it before it disappears and put it in my daily journal. I used to never go back into my journals, but that's actually now when the real work begins: part of my practice is to go back through my pages and reflect, probably because of the way my brain works. Otherwise, I forget!

Even when I don't have a real deadline, I give myself one. This usually works, but the ones other people give me work way better. 

While I was writing the first draft of my book, for the second half of it, I left the house every day; M-F, and I tried to stay until 5. But it was a job I had to go to every day, so staying home wasn't working. Now, I only write at home. But it's like seasons. I change the venue every now and then and stay put 'til I burn out again. 

I always put in AirPods if I'm writing in a public space. And if I'm having a great writing day, I stop hearing the music, and when I look up, a few hours have passed, and I don't even realize the music has stopped. 

While they may not realize it, my friends harness powerful psychological tools to meet their writing goals. One of my favorites is the if-then statement, which can create a neurological trigger.  

Here's how it works. If-then statements create new associations and programs in the brain through repetition. Social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph. D., describes the power of if-then planning. "Humans are very good at encoding information in "If X, then Y" terms, and using this process (often unconsciously) to guide our behavior. Deciding exactly when and where you will act on your goal creates a link in your brain between the situation or cue (the if) and the behavior that should follow (the then)." In fact, you're two to three times more likely to succeed at your goal if you use if-then planning. For example, like my friend who treated her writing as a job, "if it's 9 am, then I'm writing."

Another simple but effective technique is Mel Robbins' "count-back from five" technique, commonly known as the 5 Second Rule, a simple yet powerful tool designed to help individuals overcome procrastination, self-doubt, and fear, enabling them to act toward their goals. The technique involves counting backward from five to one and then physically moving or taking action immediately after reaching one. Imagine hearing your alarm go off in the morning and, instead of hitting snooze, counting backward from five and getting up to exercise.

As Robbins explains in her book The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage, when you count backward, you engage in metacognition. This shifts your focus from the basal ganglia (responsible for habit loops) to the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that controls decision-making and action. This process helps interrupt self-sabotaging thought patterns and triggers a "bias towards action" instead of overthinking or analysis paralysis. 

As it turns out, Mike quit bathing Stanford, much to Stanford’s relief, and graduated from medical school. By becoming aware of ourselves in the moment and shifting our mindset to tackle the priority task, we can triumph over procrastination. And, as I’ve written before,  it’s the beginning of a new week—a great time to harness the power of a fresh start for starting a new habit!

What are your favorite tools for taking action on your priority tasks? You can add it to the comments or reply to this email.