David Beckham, Meet Your New Coach, Ted Lasso: How to bring out the best in people

The first time I watched Ted Lasso, I thought the show was corny, but then something pulled me in—Ted. What is it about Ted Lasso that makes him so lovable? 

Underneath Lasso's corny jokes and sayings is his love for his players. He treats each of them with dignity and respect. And I couldn't help but think about Coach Lasso when I watched the Netflix documentary Beckham, about the real-life soccer player David Beckham.

Beckham is the quintessential soccer star. And when you think of David Beckham, what do you think of? His looks? His talent? Posh Spice? What I thought about was the vulnerability hidden underneath Beckham's star power. 

As it turns out, Beckham was a shy kid growing up. After a little digging, I found that the website Personality at Work labels Beckham as an ISFP (Introvert, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving) on the Myers-Briggs personality type test. This cluster of traits is called "the artist" and reveals Beckham as a shy and sensitive soul.

In the documentary, Beckham's vulnerability is revealed by a journalist who remembers interviewing Beckham. He recalls, "It was a curious contrast between how big and famous David Beckham was and how awkward he was talking in public." The person of David Beckham, awkward yet determined, is more complex than the soccer player.

Valued for Doing

In one of the documentary's saddest moments, Beckham is traded to Real Madrid by his lifelong coach, Sir Alex Furgeson, ending their father-son-like relationship. Ferguson makes the trade without telling Beckham beforehand and refuses to talk to him after announcing the trade.

Beckham's vulnerability, sadness, and pain show on his face and in his voice. He remembers the trade as if it was yesterday. In that moment, we see the dejected young man who was made to feel worthless.

This moment in the documentary moved me because the sting of the pain is still there. While I'm sure Beckham's fame and grandiosity got under Furgeson's skin, his refusal to talk with Beckham, whom he'd coached since Beckham was 16 years old, seemed harsh. It wasn't that Furgeson traded him to Real Madrid but how he handled it. 

The documentary shows how Beckham's formative relationships had a quality of conditional love. Aside from his mother, his father, coach, and fans seemed to look past the person, the sensitive "artist" in David Beckham, to focus only on the player. Beckham was made to feel like his worth was on the line or conditional. 

In other words, Beckham was valued for doing, not being. I can't help but wonder what having Coach Lasso would have meant for Beckham. 

As a coach, you pick the player based on doing and their skills, but you love them just for being themselves. Lasso's character is a masterclass in this type of person-centered attitude. This attitude towards others is why so many of the world's best coaches produce so many future coaches. 

For example, the legendary basketball coach John Wooden mentored hundreds of players during his 27 years at UCLA, including many who became coaches. Among his notable coaching disciples are Denny Crum, Gene Bartow, and Gary Cunningham, to name just a few. Coach Wooden's impact on the coaching world is profound, and his principles continue to inspire and guide coaches today. Another modern example of this coaching style, developing people, not just players, is Coach Gregg Popovich and his many disciples, like Golden State’s Steve Kerr.

Coached for Doing but Valued for Being

As a coach, Lasso's character embodies what Carl Rogers, a revered psychotherapist, called "unconditional positive regard."  

Carl Rogers introduced the concept of "unconditional positive regard," which emphasizes valuing and accepting individuals just as they are, without imposing any conditions or contingencies on their worth. It's about appreciating people for who they are—for being, not doing.

Unconditional positive regard applies to many relationships, such as parents and managers. In parenting, it means accepting the child as they are while setting behavioral boundaries. In management, it involves valuing the employee as a person while still holding them accountable for their actions.

According to Rogers, receiving unconditional positive regard from others helps foster personal growth, self-acceptance, and overall psychological well-being. In a nutshell, unconditional positive regard helps people develop and grow to reach their full potential.

As Ted Lasso puts it, "For me, success isn't about the wins and losses. It's about helping these young fellows become the best versions of themselves on and off the field."

Here are the key ingredients of unconditional positive regard:

Non-judgmental acceptance: This means refraining from judgment, criticism, or evaluation of the individual's thoughts, feelings, or behaviors and creating a safe space for authentic self-expression.

Empathy: Empathy involves understanding and sharing another person's feelings, perspectives, and experiences.

Authenticity: Being genuine, transparent, and sincere builds trust and credibility in relationships.

Valuing the individual: Unconditional positive regard emphasizes respecting each person's inherent worth and dignity, irrespective of meeting specific conditions or expectations.

Lasso's Stance

In my imaginary relationship between Beckham and Lasso, I see the impact this unconditional positive regard could have. This is what happened to the character of Jamie Tartt, the talented but cocky player on Ted Lasso’s team. Instead of reacting to Tartt’s selfish behavior, Lasso sees through Tartt's outwardly combative facade and understands that the origin of his self-destructive behavior was growing up with the conditional love of an abusive father. This video is an excellent recap of Jamie Tartt's character evolution cultivated by Lasso's unconditional positive regard.  

It's December, the time of year when we think of what to give others. The gift of unconditional positive regard for someone we're raising, coaching, or managing is the gift that keeps on giving. 

A recent Gallup poll found that young people with a mentor are more than twice as likely as their peers to say they have a bright future. Mentors that give unconditional positive regard develop people, not just performance.

Reflections

• Who was that coach, teacher, or mentor that was your Ted Lasso?

• What is their one pearl of wisdom that still stands out to you?

• How did they influence how you see yourself today?

• Whose Ted Lasso are you? 

Let me know in the comments or hit "reply" to this email.