Not All Narcissists Are Created Equal

My friend’s mom parked in handicapped spots whenever she went to Starbucks—a habit that drove my friend crazy. One day at Starbucks, a stranger finally called her out. Aghast, she turned to her daughter and said, “I was just running in to get coffee!” To which my friend replied, “Mom, everyone is just running into Starbucks for coffee.”

While the conversation was futile, it does highlight an important psychological anecdote about parking in handicapped spots when you aren’t handicapped: it’s an indicator of some level of narcissism.

Another narcissist who loved to park in handicapped spots was Steve Jobs. After all, he was Apple’s CEO and didn’t have time to look for a regular parking space. Like most narcissists, he didn’t think the rules applied to him; he would park in the handicapped spot for hours, often days!

Narcissism is what psychoanalysts call a “characterological disorder” and is very different from other mental health issues people are more familiar with, like depression or anxiety. When someone has anxiety, they can step outside of it, observe it, and say, “I have anxiety.” But when someone has a characterological disorder, they struggle to step outside of it and see it within themselves —even though, like my friend’s mom, others around them can surely see it.

What might seem like a simple parking faux pas can actually provide a glimpse into a much deeper psychological landscape. A characterological diagnosis isn’t just about isolated behaviors or clusters of symptoms—it’s about the long-term patterns that shape a person’s self-perception, emotional regulation, and relationships over time. The real question isn’t just what they do, but why they behave this way, revealing insights into their underlying personality structure.

Trump Vs. Jobs

At first glance, one might lump Steve Jobs and Donald Trump into the same characterological disorder category of narcissism. After all, both are larger-than-life figures, exuding unshakable confidence and prone to treating subordinates like mere pawns in a grand game. But there are profound differences between their types and degrees of narcissism.

As the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual - 2¹ explains, narcissism exists on a continuum and at the healthier end of the spectrum,

…narcissistic individuals may be socially appropriate, personally successful, charming, and (although somewhat deficient in the capacity for intimacy) reasonably well adapted to their family circumstances, work, and interests. In contrast, people with narcissistic personalities at the more pathological levels, whether or not they are personally successful, suffer from identity diffusion (often concealed by a grandiose self-presentation), lack an inner-directed morality, and may behave in ways that are highly destructive and toxic to others.

Jobs exhibited narcissistic traits within a creative personality structure while maintaining an intact sense of self. He was demanding and driven by an unshakable belief in his brilliance, yet fused his ego with a vision larger than himself. Though he could be cruel, he was not erratic; his deep sense of purpose propelled him to pursue excellence rather than mere attention. Jobs was a high-functioning narcissist—obsessive, perfectionistic, and often difficult, yet still capable of insight, emotional depth, and genuine innovation. Even when he distorted reality to push his teams beyond their limits, he ultimately accepted reality—learning from failures, adjusting strategy, and evolving over time.

Further out on the scale, Trump fits the profile of a malignant narcissist with antisocial traits—a blend of grandiosity, entitlement, and an absence of empathy that renders every interaction purely transactional. He acts on impulse and craves dominance, thriving on conflict rather than resolution. His self-esteem is fragile and ever in need of reinforcement. He responds to threats not with reflection but with lashing out. A psychoanalyst might diagnose his behaviors as severely disorganized narcissism, marked by an unstable identity, erratic mood swings, and a relentless need for external validation. Unlike Jobs, who obsessed over ideas, Trump obsesses over himself—there is no higher goal, artistic pursuit, or intellectual passion, only the ceaseless demand for adoration and control.

SNAP - Pay Attention

In the documentary Unfit: The Psychology of Donald Trump, mental health professionals analyze President Trump's behavior through the lens of malignant narcissism—a personality disorder composed of four components, often abbreviated as SNAP:

1. Sadism: Refers to the tendency to dehumanize as weak while deriving pleasure from their misfortune.

2. Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Characterized by grandiosity, an inflated sense of accomplishment, and an unyielding need for admiration.

3. Antisocial Behavior (Sociopathy): Involves habitual deceit, manipulation, and a flagrant disregard for social norms and moral standards.

4. Paranoia: Marked by preoccupation with perceived disloyalty, a readiness to blame others, and susceptibility to conspiracy theories.

This SNAP profile encapsulates malignant narcissism—a fusion of narcissism and sociopathy. By integrating sadism and paranoia, malignant narcissism proves more destructive than standard narcissistic personality disorder. It is especially dangerous in leadership, relationships, or any position of power, as those with this personality disorder may lash out at perceived threats, retaliate against criticism, and engage in exploitative or abusive dynamics. In Trump’s case, it is the antisocial aspect of this disorder that we need to pay attention to because beyond the need for adoration is a darker indifference to everything and everyone that is not Trump himself.

While a narcissist like Jobs is deeply insecure, self-obsessed, and manipulative, still craving to be liked and admired, a malignant narcissist like Trump goes further. They do not simply seek admiration—they demand control, often leading through fear tactics. This form of narcissism is frequently linked to tyrants, cult leaders, and abusive figures throughout history, whose lack of empathy, combined with paranoia and sadism, renders them especially harmful.

The most striking difference between the two lies in their relationship with truth. Jobs could be manipulative, but his ultimate goal was creation—bringing something new into the world. Trump is driven by personal myth-making, showing little respect for truth unless it serves his immediate self-interest. Despite his flaws, Jobs built something enduring. Despite his bravado, Trump leaves behind a trail of broken institutions, discarded allies, and a cult of lies and conspiracies.

Though intense and often abrasive, Jobs’ personality ultimately proved productive. Trump’s personality is destructive—fueled by insecurity and an insatiable thirst for control. Jobs transformed the future of technology, while Trump appears trapped in an endless, self-referential loop of grievance and spectacle.

Let’s pay attention. History has repeatedly shown that when a malignant narcissist gains power, the consequences can be catastrophic. No matter which political party you align with, don’t be fooled into thinking that your beliefs, values, or even basic human needs hold any significance to Trump. They don’t—because, to him, only one thing truly matters: himself.

1. Lingiardi, V., McWilliams, N., Bornstein, R. F., Gazzillo, F., & Gordon, R. M. (2015). The Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual Version 2 (PDM-2): Assessing patients for improved clinical practice and research. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 32(1), 94